At the start of a coaching relationship, it can be illuminating to ask:
“How do you expect change to happen for you?”
“When you’ve changed something in your life before, how did that happen?”
Clients’ answers often become a quiet blueprint for the work.
Some will say, “Nothing happens for ages, then suddenly it all shifts.” Others: “I make gradual improvements, small step by small step.” A few may say, “I don’t really believe I can change,” which is in itself precious information.
One participant on a recent Clean Coaching reflection call spoke of seeing change as “building muscles”—something that develops with intentional practice. For her, metaphors that she repeatedly and consciously drew on in life became more alive and accessible. It wasn’t just the insight; it was the repeated use that strengthened it.
Exploring a client’s metaphors for change can help you:
- Align your process with their natural style (fast shift vs slow burn)
- Spot potential mismatches (“You want overnight transformation, but your lived pattern is slow cultivation.”)
- Introduce the idea that both sudden and gradual change can be valid
Rather than silently carrying your own assumptions about how change should happen, you bring those assumptions into the light in a clean way—through the client’s own descriptions.
Then you can ask, very simply:
“And when change happens for you like that, what would you like to have happen in this work together?”